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Dress rehearsal for Queen’s funeral was lovely, says Charles
Piss off Charlie Prince Charles, heir to the Throne for 60 years, is said to be very impressed at how well today’s dress rehearsal for the Queen’s funeral went. “One couldn’t help but notice how...
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Murderous magician will find out what his Wandsworth
One of Harold’s most beguiling mysteries has finally been solved, and sadly proven to be a most despicable and gruesome crime. Every local knew and loved the spectacular magic show put on annually by...
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Local football team ‘shocked’ at 10 match ban for minor cannibalism incident
Ate his Liverpool with a nice Chianti Players and management of local football club Harold Thursday have reacted with anger and astonishment at the Trojan Prophylactic League’s decision to ban star...
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Britain needs less protection from people like me, says Liam Fox
More public money, with eggs on top! Disgraced omni-dubious former Secretary of State for Defence Liam Fox has called for a return to days of Thatcherite values when more casual regulation meant people...
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NEWS UPDATE: Boris Johnson’s hair defects to UKIP
Ooh, that’s tickly, but nice! Please share the news if you like it! Thanks. After this morning’s shock revelation that Boris Johnson and his hair have separated, journalists from the Evening Harold can...
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Jeremy Vine solves slight disagreement – very few injured
Vine not looking his best in the Lickers just before 4am, wearing special radio shoes coated in sick One of Harold’s most controversial issues has finally been laid to rest, after a chance visit from...
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‘Campaign to reclaim words that have become rude’ is launched by US Judge...
No, really. American Judge and former US politician David R. Minge has taken a leave of absence from his judicial duties to launch a campaign aimed at “enriching the English language by reclaiming...
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Oscar red carpet staining shock – onlookers describe ‘river of pee’
Staining story widely leaked on internet The rise of “sew-on” dresses is believed to be behind today’s Oscar debacle which saw numerous movie stars relieve themselves on the red carpet. Fans who queued...
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United Airlines security drag ‘grateful’ Sean Spicer from Whitehouse press...
White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer has thanked a United Airlines security squad who stepped in after he became unable to stop declaring that Adolf Hitler did not use chemical weapons during World...
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Government launch campaign to raise awareness of bestiality laws
Tale as old as time…but she’s no Emma WatsonThe UK Home Office has announced a £2.5 million public information campaign, aimed at raising awareness of bestiality laws, and reminding people that sex...
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